SNORRISNORRISNORRI!!!

Just look at the size of those paws!!! He's going to be the most fearsome marauder in the world!!! Picture it - "Snorri, the neighbor's small human child is annoying! Destroy him!!! Then ransack the silver!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I'm leaving the office soon. I swear.

Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est

Judging from these shots, I'd say that li'l Snorri doesn't like to be in front of the camera. And who can blame him? He's very busy learning Latin and redesigning public spaces for maximum energy efficiency. This cat ain't got time for gauche tomfoolery.

I'm supposed to be typing stink tank minutes

But because I'm feeling miffed that I only have four weeks and one day left of my summer, I will instead answer some survey questions that the very lovely Megan tagged me for ages ago.

What is your current obsession?

Tomatoes. Last week I spent $25 on tomatoes.

What is your weirdest obsession?

Avoiding bathtubs. The very idea of sitting in a tub gives me the willies.

What do you see outside your window?

What is your favorite color?

Last weekend we played bocce in the park. I yelled at n.o.c. to pick up my ball, and he just stood there staring at it, insisting that he couldn't find it. I was frustrated until I remembered that he is colorblind.

What is your weakness?

Fool, I ain't got no weakness.

Rereading mindless books in an escapist manner. I could spend years reading about imagined lives. Have, probably.

What animal would you be?

Snorri! Obviously! Who wouldn't want to be the cutest cat in the world with the bestest, happiest life ever! (Sorry. I'm stopping, I'm stopping.)

What do you want never to happen in life?

For bathing in bathtubs to become mandatory.

What is on your bedside table?

A lamp. A box of kleenex. Eight books and a Kindle.

What's the last thing you bought?

A dozen ears of corn from the farmer's market. Corn spiders be damned!

What do you think about the person who tagged you?

I think she should seriously consider relocating to Baltimore. I could use a friend and a florist, and the mean streets of California are far too dangerous.

What was your favorite children's book?

I was the second grader sobbing in the back of the classroom because I'd just finished Where the Red Fern Grows instead of my math assignment... When I was very young, like three or four, my favorite was Miss Twiggley's Tree - I can still recite most of it. "Old Miss Twiggley lived in a tree with a dog named Puss and a color TV. She did what she liked, and she liked what she did, but when company came - Miss Twiggley hid." Telling, I think.

Who do you want to meet in person?

Dolly Parton.

What did you want to be as a child?

Dolly Parton.

What did you dream about last night?

That I had two martinis and then made the coffee backwards and with butter. Also, there was a fat kid from my high school riding a beached whale.

Which do you prefer, day or night?

Breakfast and dinner.

What's your favorite piece of clothing in your closet?

Shoooes.

What would you like to get your hands on right now?

A compact sofa bed that is comfortable and does not a) make me gag b) make me feel like a college junior or c) cost a grand.

What's your favorite tea flavor?

Iced.

If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

Anywhere, as long as n.o.c. could go too. Before you barf, know that my reasons are entirely selfish. If he could accompany me, then I could feel completely and totally on vacation, instead of just persistently and annoyingly guilty for not working.

Show me something AWESOME!

Three sights within a block of my apartment:

Now I'm to delete one question and add one of my own:

College- or wide-ruled paper?

College! College! The narrower, the better!

So, I'm supposed to tag eight folks, but it is not yet time for me to hand out assignments - I have a month and a motherf*ckin' day left, dammit.

Yammering Away

Thanks, all, for li'l Snorri's warm reception. He won't actually be with us until late September, but when he does come he'll be as polite a kitty as ever was seen. And a badass. And a math wizard. And an author. And waaay more advanced than most other kitties his age. I would be an insufferable parent.

Norwegian Forest Cats are climbers, so we're going to have to get a cat tree. I refuse to have one of those hideous carpeted monstrosities in the apartment, so we're looking for something a bit less aesthetically nauseating. I will also be carting him all over the place in a baby bjorn, just see if I don't. Enhabiten, my fingers are crossed that you'll find your kitty soon.

Not much going on in these parts. Our visitor left. I participated in a day of Think Tank activities (which, by the by, I've cleverly dubbed the "Stink Tank." I'm just so creative.) Poor n.o.c. is working about a million hours a week. I feel very sorry for him as I click my way through yet another novel, but I don't let sympathy interfere with my scrabble playing. How's he gonna be tough if no one beats him when he's down?

Rick, our homeless friend, has gone through a bit of an unfortunate/fortunate period. Unfortunately, he got the shit kicked out of him on Saturday night, and now has four staples in his head. Fortunately, he signed the lease on a Section 8 apartment, so he'll be off the street by next week. Yay for Rick! Though, as he told us yesterday, he won't have a job or receive a disability check for a while, so he'll still be "working" in our neck of the woods. In truth, I'm glad that I'll still get to see him.

Incidentally, I've decided that the next time I have a summer off, I'd like to have an abundance of friends and money. My favorite Baltimorians have been off jaunting around Italy - one of them for the entire month of July, which is incredibly rude, since he has the summer off too and was supposed to spend his time entertaining me. It's bullshit, really. My favorite New Englanders have been marinating in stinky old Europe. n.o.c. is out the door by 7am and seldom comes home before 7:30pm, and he works a good bit when he is home, so he's not really in an ebullient I-don't-have-to-work-let's-play-all-the-time sort of mood . AND we're trying not to spend any money, which, let me tell you, limits your damn options something serious. I'm not complaining - I mean, I'd much rather sit on my couch or wander aimlessly around the harbor than try to teach seventeen-year-olds how to think rationally - but I just think I'll do this differently next year.

And on that oh-so-insightful note, I'll leave you until I have something more interesting to say. Happy Friday.

And I'll love him, all the same.

Snorri may not be photogenic. He may not even be cute. But he's mine, and I'm going to have to kick your ass if you talk shit on my cat. That's just how I roll.

Quality - highly preferable to quantity.

While the hoards may not be stampeding to my blog, the visitors I do get are the absolute best. Thank you. Anyway, the unwashed masses make me nervous, so this arrangement suits me just fine.

Since Thursday, which will henceforth be known as The Meltdown of a Navel Gazer (funny Times piece about that), many good things have happened:

1) You all made me feel better, even though I'm a lazy sh*t and don't really deserve your scary German encouragement or your kind words.

2) I played bocce ball in a park while eating fried chicken and drinking excellent sangria. Made the ball a bit difficult to grip, but I persevered.

3) Snorri was born. This cat will be the sh*t. Just you wait.

4) I spent three whole days in the company of my Number One Cookie, who is a badass main squeeze, despite (or perhaps because of) his inferior scrabble abilities.

5) I made a blueberry-lemon-ginger crumble with a doubled (!) crust(!). I have eaten it (by itself! just the crumble! 'tis but a pittance!) for breakfast and lunch. I feel f*cking fabulous, thank you for asking, and I am on my way to the gym shortly.

6) I am getting sh*t done. Today, for instance, I activated my key fob, canceled my verizon DSL (which, by the by, you basically have to break someone's legs to do), scheduled dental appointments for me and n.o.c., arranged my f*cking summer work schedule, and ordered a new filter for the refrigerator. Daaaaamn. And that's in addition to finishing a book, napping, eating crumble and drinking an entire pitcher of green tea! AND I flossed!

So, things are looking up. I am now off to give some crumble to our homeless doorman, Rick, and waddle to the gym.