Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The one where I talk about poop.

Last weekish, n.o.c. and I were having a lovely evening. We'd just finished dinner, so I went off to read, while goodhusband n.o.c. worked on cleaning up the kitchen. Snorri (a.k.a. The Snorracle of Smallfry, a.k.a. Snorrious Maglorious Bloodeagle Ford (not mine), a.k.a. ooooooohhhhiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou (mine)) was off doing what he does best - conquering cat trees, manhandling bottle caps, destroying feathered playthings, what have you. Or so we thought.

As n.o.c. prepped the coffee maker (he's the shit), he noticed the Snorrster scooting across the floor on his arse. Not having read 2,935 books on cat rearing (punny!), n.o.c. thought our little guy was just being a clown. I, however, realized that something, um, fouler was afoot. Sure enough, Snorri had managed to embed two hockey pucks of poo into his very fluffy and once pristine buttfur and then decided to drag ass across the apartment in hopes of scraping them off. To his credit, there was a poo circle (something like a crop circle) around my chair, so he had tried to attract my attention before embarking on his apartment-wide shit-smearing adventure.

Anyhoo, we eventually put everything to rights, and Snorri endured the blow dryer with aplomb (and a considerably less furry, but poop-free, rear end). We chalked the incident up to youth and abundant, Pantaloon-like leg fur.

But last night, after a delicious dinner of Cornish game hens (Snorri enjoyed Iams kitten chow and the smallest sliver of crispy skin), we settled into bed and Snorri frolicked off to take his evening constitutional. After I heard him exit the box, I immediately went to dispose of his deposit, because I am fastidious. Most unfortunately, Snorri had once again managed to - I don't even know how to describe it - it was like when you were little and you fell asleep with chewing gum in your mouth and it ended up in your hair... except, in this case, the chewing gum is multiple nuggets of poo and your mouth is a little feline ass sphincter and your hair is white fur. Too graphic? I just don't know anymore.

I tell you this neither because I'm weary of kvetching about work (never!) nor because I want to ruin your dinner - I just don't know how to proceed. Is the issue mechanical? Gastrointestinal? (I took in a sample yesterday.) Maniacal? What is he doing? Why is this happening? Help!

As long as I'm asking you for help with animals, please keep another furry friend of ours, M., in your thoughts - clap for her, give her the care bear stare, pray to St. Francis, smudge sage, whatever. Sweet little M. is having a rough go of things and could use whatever you've got. Thanks.


design devotee said...

Gosh, I wish I had some good advice for you. However, I'm facing similar problems with the little dog we rescued. He came to us fully house-broken. And now, after a year of living with us, has decided that he'll pee and poop in the house any damn place he pleases. My loving husband is ready to give him back, my daughter's a wreck and I'm trying to find some good advice myself.

So I guess that was just the really long way of commiserating without actually being of any help.

enhabiten said...

Oh, this is quite common. Close cousin to when the dog eats hair with her meal and then tries to poo it out. No matter how hard she pushes the poo attached to her butt by the hair will not disengage. So scooting across the floor on her ass to let the floor do the work is the only other option. Or if you have the stomach for it you can go find a long stick and, well, you get the picture.
I think you may have to shave the fur around snorri's sphincter or something. It's not like Snorri has some kind of poo disorder. Just lots of fur getting in the way, no? But then I'm no specialist.

OliverDarrow said...

well, i can't help you out with your poopy-butt problem, but i can tell you Australians and New Zealanders have a name for hair-doo-doo nuggets. they call them dags. and dags can be a real problem for sheep farmers! it seems nobody wants to buy a poo-laden merino wool sweater from banana republic this season. here's a nifty website that has a rating system for dag situation severity. Fun!