Friday, December 4, 2009

mea culpa

Look. It's been a long time. A really, really long time. Long enough to justify deleting me from your blog roll. If you did, I understand. If you're still here, thank you. I'm sorry. You deserve better. You look nice in that outfit. I love what you've done with your hair.

I'd planned a lengthy post to explain my absence, chronicling all the things that have kept me from writing, but that would be boring as f*ck, and you don't come here for excuses. You come because you're supposed to be doing something productive, perhaps working or cooking or caring for your rabbit, but you want (nay - need!) to f*ck off for just a Few. More. Minutes. I understand. To that end, I will now provide you with some random, time-wasting information. And then I will be back. Soon. I swear it.

  1. I've started taking cod liver oil because I have vague notions about Omega-3s and vitamin D, and surely anything so utterly repulsive must have enormous health benefits. Seriously, it tastes like walrus smegma and lemon pledge.
  2. I took Snorri to get neutered this morning because I am a traitorous, self-centered asshole. I cried into his little furry neck until he pushed me away because I was embarrassing him in front of the cute vet assistant he was trying to cruise.
  3. I have discovered that a messy desk and a harried expression are the best defences. I hide behind reams of unsorted papers, teetering stacks of books and a menagerie of unwashed coffee cups. I rumple my clothes and apply mascara to only one eye. I run down the hallways carrying impossibly large armfuls of books and papers, leaving a trail of crumpled parchment and uncapped pens in my wake. No one can possibly ask me to do anything else.


Liane said...

you're supposed to apply mascara to BOTH eyes??

Sarah said...

Awesome. You're back. Good idea about the mascara, I'm about to rock that next week. And you're right about the cod liver oil. My health-obsessed colleagues are praising various fish oils daily, and they're a people who know what they're talking about.

Martini said...

Welcome back!

ashley english said...

you're back!!!!!! i missed you!!!!!!! you keep on keepin' on. just look at einstein's office. it's the best defense, truly.

Julian Ford said...

Honey, leave the cod liver oil behind and enjoy some ground flaxseeds or flaxseed oil - not sure how you know how walrus smegma tastes but it sure made me laugh aloud. I love your plan of attack as to keeping colleagues at bay. I love your blog!