Thursday, November 12, 2009

For what you wish, be careful.

Sometimes I wish I could catch a good, solid cold. You know, nothing too terrible, but something just bad enough to keep me on the couch for a few days, swaddled in blankets and cradled by pillows. So I was excited when I felt a little tickle in my throat last Friday. By Sunday, I had the full-bodied whoop of a lunger and a worsening sniffle. By Monday morning, I looked and felt terrible and was actually sent home from work.

Now, in my imaginary world, this should be cause for pajamaed celebration. You know, break out the hot chocolate and movies - it's time to recuperate! Unfortunately, my imaginary world generally fails to consider the crucial and unpleasant details of my real one.

1) Feeling like shit, well, it feels like shit.

2) Damned Protestant Work Ethic. Despite my dreams to the contrary, I can't bear the thought of skivving off, so I dragged myself to work every morning this week. And every morning, they promptly sent my pale, clammy, shaking, hacking (and on one occasion weeping) ass straight back home. "Stay in bed," they said. "Go away, death!" they yelled. "Why are you here again?" they implored. "I just don't know," I moaned. I don't understand myself at all.

3) My poor Snorri has had diarrhea since Saturday. We're talking five to six fetid puddles of ick a day. There was even one instance of projectile vomit. We've finally achieved a firm turd, but, let me tell you, it was a long time coming.

4) I have about four functioning neurons. Seriously - if it weren't for spell check, #3 would contain the word "puttle."

And I'm spent. Off to stare at a napkin for a few hours, and then I've got to get some sleep before I dash off to work in the morning, scarlet snot rag on my chest.

By the by - thanks for the kind comments on my new 'do. I cropped my face because I have an irrational belief that this sort of measure will prevent work-place discovery. And enhabiten, your home is absolutely lovely - congratulations.


Martini said...

I've been wanting to catch a cold like the one you described for years now. nothing too terrible, enough to keep me in bed and on the couch for a few days. and if i happen to lose a few pounds from that cold, so be it. but nothing. no a darn thing, and i have too much work to call in sick to fake the whole thing. oh well.

Liane said...

Awww, thanks for the D*S comment. It made me feel guilty, actually,b/c I realize how snitty I was about your stainless steel! Jeez, the nerve of me. You musta thought I was a complete wanker! All in your face about your appliances! :) But when I read your mention here about my sneak peek it practically brought tears to my eyes. So nice. What a sweet and forgiving blogger you are. haha.
I hope you are feeling better now. And also little snorri. Cuz diarrhea's no fun..

17 beats. said...

i've been sick all week, too. grumble grumble. fuckin kids. grumble grumble.

ashley english said...

i hope you feel better soon. elderberry extract is my secret weapon, plus hot baths, fresh ginger tea, and a chinese herb blend. but then, i DON'T want to get hugs.

megan said...

I misssss yoooooou. Hope you have a good thanksgiving. FYI, I'm over here looking up your artery-clogging mac and cheese recipe (we're bringing it to thanksgiving potluck).

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