Wednesday, June 10, 2009

And the livin' is easy

I have endured the most tedious, repetitive, interminable close-of-school in the history of the universe, and today is finally the first official day of summer vacation. But mine is not to gripe; mine is to plan. What should I do with the next 82 days of freedom? I have a few ideas:

1) Shower infrequently, a la grade school summers. Sadly bereft of my parents' pool, I won't be able to offer n.o.c. airtight excuses like, "But there was chlorine! I'm bleached!" n.o.c. does not like to go without bathing; it makes him grumpy and lethargic. Not me - I feel my best when I'm so dirty that I'm almost clean again. My hair starts to look interestingly tousled and piece-y, and I can grow seeds in my bellybutton. You're really living when you achieve that state. You're fecund, awake, aware. You're basically Thoreau.

2) Work on my posture. I look like a char woman.

3) Make things with dough, then give them to others so as not to resemble said dough - you are what you eat. Speaking of (loosely), the folks who sell eggs at our farmers market look exactly like chickens. Little heads, fluffy rears, stick legs - the whole shebang. n.o.c. thinks they may actually be chickens in human guises, selling their own produce to an unsuspecting public. Inneresting.

4) Write. Blog. Read. Repeat.

5) Reupholster this chair:

Am I delusional?

6) Have callous-free feet. This effort will be helped along, no doubt, by the accumulation of natural body oils that infrequent showering allows.

7) Make macarons. These are very different from macaroons. Do not be confused.

8) Go places. More on that to come.

9) Make weekly batches of salsa. And gazpacho. An all-tomato diet should nicely counteract my dough and macaron efforts.

10) Get rid of even more stuff. Enough with stuff! (You can use that catchy phrase, if you'd like. I'm generous with my genius.)

11) Other suggestions?

In other news, my lovely Grammy stayed with us last night, and she and I played seven games of scrabble. The record is unimportant. You needn't know that I only won two games, or that her cumulative score was several hundred points higher than mine, or that she now knows all the three-letter words in addition to all the two-letter words. That sort of information would be totally superfluous.


megan said...


Congratulations on your summer break.
I have a chair I've been putting off reupholstering and it has relatively simple lines. I will be amazed if you pull off your chair. AMAZED.

p.s. I'm dying to see a pic of the chicken people.

ellie bee said...

oh dear, the combination of infrequent bathing and cooking--especially with dough--is making me a little nauseated...

Bri said...

Things are better when you don't have to bathe very often!

And go for the chair. its a pain in the ass, but totally worht it.

keri said...

Megan - If I manage to reupholster that chair, I will be insufferably impressed with myself.

ellie bee - Not to fear. So far, I've already bathed once and have only succeeded in making fresh sweet pea dumplings.

Bri - Thanks for the enthusiasm. I'll keep you posted.

Oliver said...

dear blogger,
i couldn't agree more on the notion of infrequent bathing as a road to soul-cleansing selfness.
and speaking in terms of "you are what you eat," i've always thought i'd enjoy more doughy and macarony features. please save us the surplus!

keri said...

Dear Oliver -

I would definitely save the leftovers, but I think I've come to terms with my eventual slide into the great, soft beyond. Abstemious behavior is not my strong suit.

Grungily yours -


megan said...

Another reason I love keri: she taught me a new word (abstemious)!

Dale said...

If you are followong Keri's blog you need to add this to you favorites. It will save much time and head scratching. I have kknow Keri since she could only speak in 3 syllable words. She went from maaaaa to ancestress in one week...

And Mama Jeannie kicks my (_!_) in scrabble also....