As I was mourning Bea Arthur, I got to thinking about the woman who introduced me to her - my Grammy, a quick-tongued Mainer who does not suffer fools lightly. Below, I offer you a list of reasons why my Grammy is cooler than yours.
1) She let me watch The Golden Girls, even though it was verboten. She also let me watch Dallas, Knots Landing, Falcon Crest, Guiding Light, Britcoms, Murder, She Wrote, and The Lawrence Welk Show (hence my penchant for feathered evening wear and tiny bubbles).
3) Though I don't remember it, Grammy taught me my first expletive. And you see where that's gotten us.
4) Grammy likes lobster and Boone's Farm. She was also her senior class valedictorian and voted the prettiest girl. She has great range.
5) In an effort to ensure a life of domestic bliss, Grammy counseled me thus: "Don't hang around with poor people. You might fall in love with one." Just because I didn't listen to that particular piece of advice doesn't mean that I don't see its wisdom.
6) Scrabble. She knows all the two-letter words.
7) Grammy has superpowers. Once the cat was behaving oddly, so Grammy said, "Maybe she's dying,"and the cat died an hour later. Do not cross this woman.
8) Grammy often wears driving gloves. When a raccoon darted in front of her car one evening, Grammy did not slow down. Grammy aimed.
9) Grammy carries cheese and crackers in her purse. Not of the prepackaged, meant-to-carry-in-your-purse variety, but of the whole-block-of-monterey-jack-and-a-sleeve-of-ritz variety. You never know when you'll be hungry.
10) Grammy is a diet coke chauvinist. I have heard her say the following: "Pepsi?! Well, then I'll just have a margarita."
So, there you have it. Just a few of the many reasons why Grammy is a bad*ss.
In other news, n.o.c. is flying to Dallas for a conference, where he'll be staying with more of my very enviable grandparents. I'll be busy trying to remember how to spend an evening alone. Perhaps I'll pass some time trying to perfect this facial expression:
Speaks volumes, no?