So, I need to apologize for the quality of the posts lately - they've been dull, unfunny and infrequent. Thank you all (Megan) for sticking it out. It's just that I'm not feeling terribly witty; in fact, I'm feeling a little lost. Here's the skinny, as I see it.
I cannot get my gears going at once. When I was the shit professionally, I was a wreck personally. Now that I'm as happy as I can imagine being personally, my professional life is in the shits. What the f*ck? I'm trying to work it all out, but to be honest, it's a huge pain in my ass. Do I finish my PhD, when I'm not sure that I believe in the stability or utility or import of academia? (Sorry D and A.) Do I dive into my unexceptional writing, when every self-indulgent loser (self included) is working on some piece of shit novel and the probable best case scenario is that I'll just end up editing copy on cereal boxes?
Maybe I should just put on my big girl panties, suck it the f*ck up, and be satisfied with my lot in life, because that's what people do and have done and will continue to do, and most folks don't have the leisure to sit on their asses bemoaning their fates whilst enjoying a work-free summer, dashing off to europe and drinking cocktails. But I can't. And I won't. And I will f*cking whine like a b*tch until I figure this sh*t out. Because I will have happy. Oh, yes. It will be mine.