Thursday, July 2, 2009

Hmfft.

So, I need to apologize for the quality of the posts lately - they've been dull, unfunny and infrequent. Thank you all (Megan) for sticking it out. It's just that I'm not feeling terribly witty; in fact, I'm feeling a little lost. Here's the skinny, as I see it.

I cannot get my gears going at once. When I was the shit professionally, I was a wreck personally. Now that I'm as happy as I can imagine being personally, my professional life is in the shits. What the f*ck? I'm trying to work it all out, but to be honest, it's a huge pain in my ass. Do I finish my PhD, when I'm not sure that I believe in the stability or utility or import of academia? (Sorry D and A.) Do I dive into my unexceptional writing, when every self-indulgent loser (self included) is working on some piece of shit novel and the probable best case scenario is that I'll just end up editing copy on cereal boxes?

Maybe I should just put on my big girl panties, suck it the f*ck up, and be satisfied with my lot in life, because that's what people do and have done and will continue to do, and most folks don't have the leisure to sit on their asses bemoaning their fates whilst enjoying a work-free summer, dashing off to europe and drinking cocktails. But I can't. And I won't. And I will f*cking whine like a b*tch until I figure this sh*t out. Because I will have happy. Oh, yes. It will be mine.

7 comments:

ahk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ahk said...

who expressed the belief that academia has anything whatsoever to do with stability (haha!), import (pfffff....!) or utility (insane cackling!)? it's just that i really really really want germans to feel socially obliged to call me "frau doktor."

keri said...

Frau Doktor has a solid point.

megan said...

Oh dear. Please excuse me while I leave what could qualify as an entire blog post as a comment.

I am going through the same thing with my blog. . . it's not a shiny new toy anymore. And the less I post, the less I feel inclined to post since it seems retarded to not post for a week and then post something small and trivial. That said, I realize that I think way too much. It's just an effing blog. So what. There are no rules. And the same applies to you. I don't care if you post every day or once a month - I will still be excited when there's something new. And that's because you're a fantastic writer.

Keri, you're probably too close to your own writing to judge, but REALLY - you have a gift. You are so adept at pushing through your personality and having a distinct point of view in such a lovely, effortless way. You should be writing. I am sure your novel would be amazing.

As far as your PhD? Isn't academia more about challenging ourselves than anything else? And wouldn't you feel amazing knowing you had accomplished that? And more importantly, every time some fu*ktard pissed you off, you could think "Whatever to that moron - I AM DR. KERI!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

enhabiten said...

um, hi..random thoughts:
i don't know about the doctorate thing. i have an undergraduate degree in painting pictures. clearly i did not go to school for career purposes.
you are pretty clear that your current job bites.
As far as your writing...i'm no blog afficianado (i hate that word and i think i spelled it wrong..whatever) but I keep coming back to yours. you really really make me laugh.
i don't know what other kinds of writing you do but i have a feeling that's the direction you should go on. whatever that's worth.

Martini said...

so happy to have you back!

Martini said...

you can have it all, but not at once. so i think the issue is, what do you want to do first (or at all). maybe the phd first, and then write, or the phd on writing. but it comes down to this, do you really need a phd?

in my own humble opinion, you would be doing the world a disservice by not writing(ok, so maybe you would rob me the pleasure of bragging about my friend keri the fabulous writer).

pull on those big girl panties kpc, and start pulling those sentences together.