Yesterday, n.o.c. saw an email requesting a computer, email, phone, badge, etc. for a new employee. Instead of saying all of that, however, it simply said, "Kindly do the needful."
Though it sounds a bit like an overly polite euphemism for requesting nookie, I can imagine employing it in all sorts of scenarios. At the mechanic's. At the salon. In the classroom - my students would have a bear of a time working out what I meant. Add a chill to your voice and raise a supercilious eyebrow, and you could employ it to great success in any unsavory situation where you'd like the upper hand. And at home! No need to enumerate a tedious list of to dos - yell again at bistro f*cktards for their f*cking garbage, find the stinky thing in the fridge, figure out why radio starts playing of own accord, brace ceiling to protect us from amorous neighbors - "Kindly do the needful" will suffice. And who knows? With all the time you'll save, maybe you'll have a spare minute or two to, you know, kindly do the needful.