blow up your t.v.

We don't have a television. n.o.c. thinks I tell people this just to sound like an intellectual snot who enjoys being wholly ignorant of popular culture and considers sticks and rocks stimulating toys for children. While that may be true, allow me to offer a few caveats before you click away in disgust. First, I can waste time on the internets like nobody's business (see: I Have Happy and the blog roll to your right). Second, we do have a projector, so we can watch movies or anything on the internets deemed a worthwhile use of the projector lamp.

This brings me to our recent encounter with Arrested Development, which was recommended by my little brother, Keb'm, on the basis of its hilarity and hulu.com availability. We began watching on Monday night and have since watched 13 episodes. Don't you judge me. I have spent five of the last 48 hours watching internet television, and I don't feel bad in the least - we've popped corn (the real way - in a pot with olive oil), had quality couch time, and were well entertained by AD. Please, God, let me be that mother some day. She's fantastically evil.

This isn't the first time we've succumbed to a series. Last year we watched every episode of Deadwood, which took up at least a month of weekends and left us speaking like filthy, well-read barkeeps - e.g., I remain in a perpetual state of f*cking wonderment over your hoopleheaded inability to purchase a c*cksucking carton of soymilk. In its lamentable absence, do me the kindness of pouring me a f*cking whisky, before your deficiencies earn you a punch in your c*cksucking face.

In the end, I think it's best that we don't have a television. I need to get my false sense of superiority from somewhere, and we are clearly not a people who can handle the electric immediacy of television's bounty.